No cute title for this, just a lil vent...

  I've been having trouble sleeping, which makes getting up in the morning horrible, thanks to developing a tolerance for coffee it isn't as bad as it could be. I'm flirting with the down cycle of bipolar right now and that makes it so fun to act all domesticated. At least I don't have obligations outside of the house right now and I can fake it til I make back on the upswing with those in my house. I'm not a super mom doesn't even begin to describe what's happening, or not happening in our humble abode right now. 

  The boys seem to be set on deaf mode right now. Perfect example- I ask them NOT to splash water out of the tub after cleaning up said water that was splashed. 5 minutes later, they are in the bathroom playing puddle jumpers and giggling gleefully. Their father handled the second round of water mania and they seemed to think that they had never before been told that water was to stay in the tub. That just happened. 10 minutes ago. They've lost privileges because of previous infringements and have no DS, Wii, movies, or computer to take away right now. So what do we take away? I told them if their blatant disregard for rules continued there would be no trick or treating. Oh if you could've heard the wailing and gnashing of teeth that ensued. Ah motherhood...I think I liked it better when they were immobile.

  So we have 11 days left in this month, our no spend month, and so far, so good. We are not deprived, although it's easy to sit and dream that we are. My wonderful Mama took me and the boys to lunch today, we are having fun going to the library because they've gotten some new books in and, be still my heart, Ian is reading chapter books on his own.( Insert me holding back tears here.) We should be more focused on what we do have rather than what we don't have. We are anxiously awaiting our utility bill to see if all of our radical ways have really made an impact. We should know by next Friday and I am excited about that at least. Not to have to pay the bill, but to see if we have made a difference.

Love to all, thanks for your love and encouragement XOXO

No one said it was going to be easy....

It seems so long ago that Bob and I decided that me losing my job wasn't the end of the world, no problem, we had a budget, we'd make it. Heck, we had already decided to home school before we knew my job was ending so no private school tuition was gonna be great! But....

I sometimes pine for those days of Mommy is tired and guess what, she ain't cooking someone call our Domino's guy stat. Not anymore. We are having October be a no-spend month, so no take out/delivery for us. And quell your laughter, only one income ain't much to NOT spend and you are right, but Mickey D's has 59 cent cheeseburgers on Wednesdays and Halloween is coming up and what will we do about costumes??? I know, I know we aren't deprived. But when the boys do not understand that if they don't sit still and I have to re-read the same daggum paragraph on rivers one more time they will be excommunicated to the back yard indefinitely, I wonder if this is worth it. I've gotten use to having coffee every morn and now I can't justify the $3 Belgian creamer I love so desperately. I wonder at those desperate moments is this homeschooling gig really worth it? Just how bad can the public school screw them up? I'll get a crappy job I hate and have money for inconsequential crap.

So....in light of these depressing thoughts just WHY are we doing this? Oh right. We love our boys, I am fond of being with them all day. I feel this is where I am supposed to be without a doubt, not saying that will never change but for now it works, it fits me. We are starting our first garden and what a task that is. Just trying to dig in our soil is hard enough. And we have stopped using the clothes dryer, the dishwasher, turned off the ac/heat a month ago. Our lives are changing but for the better I suppose. I can sit here and listen to the boys going wild outside, listening to Tori Amos with tears in my eyes because I am doing what I love. Love you all...